Damn You, Norman Rockwell



Alright, Norm, thanks for setting unrealistic expectations.

 

So, it appears I am officially a "grown-up."  For the first time in my 30-*ahem* years, I am hosting Thanksgiving.  A meal that comes around once a year....the meal that people look forward to and have such nostalgia about. The centerpiece of the meal is one of the most dreaded culinary feats.  The damn turkey wants to be dry the moment you take it out of the plastic.  Just look at those happy faces...clearly Mrs. Butterball has had years to perfect her bird. I get one shot at it. (Plus a wise man once told me, "you don't practice for company" - meaning work the kinks out of your recipe before your dinner party. My dad is a very smart man.)  If only clicking my heels together and calling out, "Auntie Jane, Auntie Jane!" could summon the Thanksgiving matriarch in my family to bestow her magic to my kitchen! There's no place like home, there's no place like home!

I was seriously having anxiety about this whole turkey thing.  While laying in bed reading the latest Food & Wine mag (and hoping that turkey prep knowledge would permeate my hands via osmosis), the most genius thought comes to my brain...Greenburg Turkey.  A few years back, daddy read about this company out of Texas that has been smoking turkeys since the 1940's. Oprah even had them as one of her "Favorite Things." A bird endorsed by Oprah...you know it's good!  But with an endorsement from the goddess herself quickly sets into motion the economic principle of "supply and demand." (They even have a name for it called, "The Oprah Effect," really, they do.) That's a huge win for Mr. Greenberg, but not so great for us plebeians who have to plan far ahead to score one of these delicious birds.

Just as soon as my elated brain begins to process this thought, the realization that they are likely sold out by now begins to steal my joy. I reach for cell phone on nightstand and do a quick Google check...and what to my wondering eyes did appear? It's a Thanksgiving MIRACLE, Charlie Brown! There are turkeys! Must order immediately! And so, that's what I did...at 10:30pm last Friday eve...

I sprang from my bed to procure my AMEX, knowing I wanted MY turn to come next, 
One click of the mouse, a few taps on the keys, soon gave me to know this T-day would surely be a breeze!  
An animated turkey, I'll call him Tom, came across the screen at Gobble, Gobble DOT com. 
I heard him exclaim as he strutted his tail, don't worry Caro, this year you can't fail!

and then visions of smoked turkeys danced in my head...